Sandler and Spade Go On Vacation and Do Expensive Stuff - The Movie
No.
Well, that was my short review. Need a longer one? Hit the jump to see what I could possibly say about Adam Sandler's new movie that is streaming now on Netflix.
Okay, that is nothing new. Adam Sandler movies typically do suck and they usually very few redeeming qualities, if any. But hey, this one could be different! David Spade is in it! And it is full of R rated raunchy humor! And guns! What could possibly go wrong?
Before I get into further into this toxic barrel of sludgy fecal matter, I want to share with you the names of some of the poor souls that somehow got suckered into this thing: Paula Patton, Kathryn Hahn, Sean Astin, Natasha Leggero, Luis Guzman, Michael Chiklis, and Matt Walsh. Every single one of these people degrade or humiliate themselves at least one time during the course of this movie, especially the women. In fact, every woman in this movie is either old and crazy, a whore, or a whore who is also a "lying bitch" (hey, Adam Sandler's words, not mine). Look, I can already hear the internet trolls typing in the comments about how I am a PC White Knight just whining about stuff. In my defense, even if that stuff did not bother me, it is just poor characterization and writing. There is absolutely nothing to these characters. They either show their tits, cry about needing a man, they are shrews, or they are actually evil and untrustworthy. These are not just lazy and negative stereotypes, these are the results of the laziest form of writing. You can either agree with me on one of those or both. There is no way that you can deny all of this. If you do, I need you to seek some counseling.
I was expecting all of this, seeing that this was an Adam Sandler movie made less than a year after the endurance exercise that was The Ridiculous 6, but I was not expecting how mean spirited and cynical this experience was going to be. This could all be forgiven partly, maybe, if any of it was actually funny. That is the goal right? To be funny? I know so many people who can make sophomoric jokes about bodily fluids or stereotypes who can actually find a way to MAKE IT FUNNY. Seth Rogen is the perfect example right now. Have you heard about Sausage Party? It's a movie that is full of racial sterotypes, drug humor, and it apparently culminates in an epic 15 minute food orgy sequence. I cannot wait to see it. I hear from audiences that have already seen it that it is surprisingly witty with its social satire and exploration of religion's place in modern society. Oh, and it is ACTUALLY FUNNY.
That is the trick isn't it? If you want to go for the low hanging fruit of social stereotypes for your humor, you need to have some sort of satire to back it up. Then the jokes are in good taste, are actually sort of smart and insightful even if they involve gross humor, and they are ACTUALLY FUNNY. Adam Sandler does not get this. He uses the same old tired jokes at the expense of every group of people you can imagine. Have you seen the "tough guy turns out to be a secret gay guy who makes advances on our bro protagonists who think it is really gross" bit before in an Adam Sandler movie? Well, this one has at least two of those, with one going on for what seemed like an eternity.
Does this even have a plot? Unlike Grown Ups 2, yes. It actually does. It basically takes some of the cues from a Coen Brothers crime movie like Fargo or The Big Lebowski or maybe even Old Country For Old Men (you know, actual works of art) and then fills in the space in between them with the most tired sexist, homophobic, or butt related jokes in the Adam Sandler book. Need a joke involving a genital piercing being added to a protagonist's tongue? How about children screaming at David Spade to fuck himself? Sandler has got all of your sadistic sensibilities covered. The plot (Hahahaha plot. Right.) follows David Spade as a miserably inept loser who is actually the victim to the worst family in the world. In comes Adam Sandler who plays his old childhood friend. He immediately starts harassing women and cursing really loudly, but in a typically lethargic Adam Sandler fashion. These two guys start hanging out and boozing it up to relive their asshole teenage years. All of a sudden, Sandler reveals to Spade that he faked their deaths so they do not have to own up to any responsibilities in their pathetic lives and they now have stolen the identities of two very rich, and very dead, dudes with a big estate in Puerto Rico. So, Spade and Sandler pack their bags for their latest vacation-disguised-as-a-film-shoot and head to the estate and schmooze it up even more. Little do they know that there are bad guys and hot chicks who are looking for the two dead dudes. Let the misadventure begin.
The biggest problem with this film outside of its unfunny attempts at humor and the derivative plot elements is that the two protagonists are completely unlikable. This is coming from a guy who is actually to see David Spade when he has a somewhat decent and silly movie to be in. He may be trying the hardest here to make a good movie, but his character is so pathetic and unpleasant that you cannot root for him. The movie praises him for shirking all of his responsibilities to dick around with Adam Sandler forever. It does this by justifying every action he makes, same with Sandler's. Spade's wife is screwing another dude and his kids act like they were raised on Honey Boo Boo? Well then, no one can blame him for doing all the stupid and illegal things he does to completely ditch everyone and all of his responsibilities as a father, husband, and decent human being. There is not even the idea that maybe all he needs to do is make some changes on his own to be a better person or to improve his pathetic situation. Nope! Just bail on everything. The end of the movie even has the zinger of a joke of Spade dressing up as a zombie to terrorize his ex-wife, her lover, and his children who think he is dead.
There is an attempt to finally humanize Adam Sandler through a completely forced plot twist that reveals that he is actually a "decent guy" going through a hardship. This is supposed to completely justify his horrible behavior throughout the movie. Actually, it does not. We never liked this guy or thought that any of his teenage bigoted antics were funny. He is that frat guy who never left the fraternity once he hit age 50. Him being afflicted with something does not justify anything he does.
Does this all sound awful enough yet? That is just the tip of the iceberg. I did not even get into the "happy ending" where we once again learn from Adam Sandler, like we do in every movie of his, that "family is important!" No kidding. They found a way to make that happen. And they even end the sequence with continuing the running gag that Sandler's character's mom is old and senile by having her show up completely topless to be the butt of a "eww saggy old lady boobs" joke. And then Luis Guzman comes back after being in a scene where he hangs his his sweat-dripping nutsack in David Spade's face to hit on the old woman who does not even understand what is going on around her.
So far, this is the worst film of the year. By far. This is a disgrace. Why couldn't Netflix make a multi-picture deal with someone like Idris Elba who did their Oscar contending Beasts of No Nation? Or even Seth Rogen to fill its comedy catalog? I have to sit through three more of these I think.
I need to rethink my life a bit.
Grade: F.
The Do-Over is now streaming on Netflix and taking the place of better films that could be there instead.
Are you a masochist? Check out my reviews for Norm of the North and Gods of Egypt by following the links!
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